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My Big Fat Double Standard
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Written by Paul   
Thursday, 25 August 2011 02:04

There are a lot of double standards and unexamined prejudices one has to watch out for when one is writing porn, or at least, porn anyone intelligent will want to read.  That is, after all, part of the purpose of this site - to produce porn that is satisfying on a story and character level instead of just getting you in the pants.  Also, porn that is not saddled with all the tedious sexist bullshit that makes so much porn actively distasteful to watch or read.

Thus, we are dedicated here to being inclusive, and while there is a certain trendiness about that these days in certain circles, we do it for our own reasons and not any impulse to try and mainstream our work.  After all, if our work were mainstream we wouldn't be on this site, would we?  No, we want to be inclusive because we feel it is a kind of duty to show people who are not simply white/cisgendered/heteronormative having vanilla sex.  Body image is a very big part of this, as I certainly feel that many different kinds of bodies are beautiful, and the best way to spread that around is to share it and give people the courage to step outside the socially-accepted boundaries and say that yes, they find that sexy too.

So my question is: where is the love for fat guys?

I'm not saying that I myself have a thing for fat guys, or that this is nakedly self-serving with me being one of said fat guys.  No.  What I mean is this:

We (and I mean we as a community) are dedicated to the proposition that all body types can be sexy.  That sexiness is a characteristic of the individual not dependent on age, gender, weight, color, orientation or conformity to accepted gender roles and templates.  It is especially important (and has been much debated in many places) to recognize that our standard of feminine beauty is way too thin (and blonde, but that's a different essay).  Fat girls are in, and we don't mean that in a fetishized way that only recognizes them for and values them for their fatness as a sexual trait - that is not cool.  I mean that we must recognize that heavier women can be sexy, and that the objectionable word in the phrase "Fat but sexy" is that word but.  Fatness is not a caveat, not a handicap, it is just the way people are.

But of we turn this around we find ourselves in rather squirm-inducing territory.  A lot of people can get behind the idea of sexy fat girls because really, the typical way women get fat serves (to a point) to exaggerate the characteristics we already accept as sexual signals in a female: big breasts, big ass, even a belly is appealing to many men (like me, for example).  The same cannot be said for men, really.

Put another way, if you tell readers that a female character is "fat" then they are free to envision that as a Venus-of-Willendorf figure or as someone more along the lines Ashley Graham or whatever in between you personally find most appealing.  There is nothing wrong with this.  We have educated ourselves - hopefully - and we know that being fat does not mean she is easy or slutty, that she is a bad or lazy person, or that she's "fat but sexy"

But tell them a male character is fat, and we have other associations, all just as hurtful, prejudicial, and limiting.  We imagine him with a gut - because that's how men get fat - and if he has a gut then he obviously doesn't have the washboard abs we like in our fantasy men, does he?  A fat man is obviously not "rugged" or "untamed" or "rough" - he is a balding older guy who must sit at a desk all day, right?  He can't be a soldier or a pirate or a firefighter - our ideas of male supremacy and alpha-male status are all fixed on the ideas of physical ability, and not a guy who has a potbelly.  Even a guy who is supposed to be a 'geek' is envisioned as too thin and maybe physically not the most vigorous guy - but even if he sits in a lab all day, he's not fat.  Even older, captain-of-industry guys are supposed to look like Hugh Laurie or somebody, not like John-Rhys Davies.

The lookism in the perception of men as sex objects is just as heavily slanted against fat men as the field against fat women - worse I would say, as a fat guy who has sex with a hot girl will always be depicted as a john or a sugar daddy - someone the woman tolerates for his money.  There is never an acknowledgment that anyone could find a man like this sexy.  They very idea is insulting - driving us right back to the old days when women were valued only for their sexuality and were not supposed to care what their husbands (read: owners) looked like.  But if we're giving everyone a chance to be seen as a sexual being, an object of fantasy, a person who someone can find sexy and not feel ashamed of it, don't the fat boys get to play too?

Last Updated on Thursday, 25 August 2011 02:04
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