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Bitch Goddesses All the Way Down
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Written by Amanda Gannon   
Tuesday, 15 November 2011 05:11
By magnetbox on Flickr.  CC 2.0 license.

The woman as bitch goddess is revered and feared precisely because she is aberrant.  Dystopian fantasies about planets full of high-heeled space vixens are powerful, popular, and perennial because they are driven not just by a reversal or alteration of how things are, but by a very real fear of dangerous women.

The fear is a huge part of the arousing nature of that fantasy.  If dominant women were considered a subset of normal, instead of considered deviants from normal, it would not look the same.  It still would be a powerful fantasy, just not as powerful, and I think it would make up proportionally less of the fem-dom fantasies.

There's nothing wrong with that fantasy, of course.  As I have said many times, your kink is your kink, and we have very little control over what gets us.

My point is that the popular image of dominant women relies on an image of them that in turn relies on Othering of women.  You can't have the dreaded, cold, remote punishatrix without the "distant" part . . . without keeping her at a distance.

That bothers the shit out of me.  Though we are coming around slowly, our society already views women as the "other" sex, even if that's benevolently casting them as the "fairer" sex, or in the case of ball-busting leather bitches, the fiercer sex.  It's never "Hey, some women like giving orders or providing pain, just like some men do.  It must be a human thing."  It's "Chicks who act like dominant men are aberrant and terrifying and the wrongness of their behavior is rampagingly sexy."  Girls suck at math.

Dirty Naughty Nasty Filthy
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Written by Paul   
Thursday, 10 November 2011 04:45

The word

By spine on Flickr. Licensed under CC 2.0.

As a pornographer who is also deeply committed to being sex-positive and inclusive as well as writing hot, hot smut, I find myself frequently running up against a deep dichotomy that informs our social consciousness of sex and porn as both a stigma and a spur - the idea that sex is, or can be, 'dirty'.

I'm sure you know all the words: horny, nasty, filthy, raunchy, slutty, dirty - all of these have been applied to sex for centuries as a way of stigmatizing it, a way of saying "this is not ok", and it is perhaps inevitable that these words, like "faggot" or "queer" have been seized on by the oppressed as badges of pride.  Nowadays saying that you have produced some "Nasty, down-and-dirty filth" is a way of saying your porn is awesome.  After all, who wants clean, polite, courteous porn? 

And therein lies a mind-fuck that it's hard to really think your way around.  The idea of sex as dirty has become so ingrained in us that it has become part of the appeal, an essential element of the "thrill".  I myself have said that there is little interest, for me, in scenes and acts that do not violate some social or cultural boundary.  But today I have to ask - what does that really mean for us as a sex-positive counterculture?

Femdom and Fulfillment
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Written by Amanda Gannon   
Tuesday, 08 November 2011 06:13

I admit I've been sitting on this link for a while, but this guest post by Weezy over at Not Just Bitchy is good:

You’d be hard pressed to find a single collection of images, interviews, articles, or books that doesn't make the cock (artifical or otherwise) the central star of the story. . . .  And yes, chastity devices still count as focusing on wangs. Quite heavily in fact.

. . . . It's not just porn that's suffering from this. It seems the obsession with sex is infecting people and personalities too. Conversations always seem to revolve around bedroom activities. When any sort of submissive activities are brought up (say, washing the car) it's always referenced in terms of sexual punishment/reward that would follow from such an activity. Why? WHY?!

. . . I think the argument goes something like this: If a submissive is willing to take a dozen lashings, or engage in CBT, or even go into an orgasm-denial full-time-relationship, that "proves" the submissive loves his partner and is willing to devote his body and life to her.

News flash: HE PROBABLY LIKES THOSE THINGS. See that stiff cock in all of those circumstances?? Do Dominants really truly believe it’s all about them and not about his dick? Does he cuddle? Does he nuzzle their neck without prompting? Does he respect and devote time to you when sex isn’t on the table? Can he hold an intelligent conversation???

I do have a few extremely minor quibbles with this piece, but it succeeds magnificently in articulating something that drives me nuts: the way the focus is consistently placed on the male partner's gratification/deprivation, and not his identity or his relationship with the other person.  If you're talking about fulfilling someone's wishes, there is no difference at all between giving someone pleasure they want or giving them pain they want or depriving them of gratification if that's what they want.  No difference.  They want a certain thing, and you are providing that.  Doing those things because they want them is different than doing those things because you want to.

Not that the two can't coexist.  Doms and subs should have mutually fulfilling relationships where each gets what they need.  I'm just saying that a D/s dynamic is not only about what one person wants and how the other person goes about providing that.  It is a 50/50 relationship in which each partner gives and takes, and they work together to create a dynamic that truly suits both of them.

The unspoken assumption is that a relationship that is fulfilled only on one side or another is a functional D/s relationship.  It's NOT! That's not any kind of functional relationship!

And when confronted with a dominant woman whose desires are not met by doling out the harshness and acting like an unfuckable ice goddess, when confronted with a dominant woman who does not match the popular image of a "domme,"* and who does not want the default model of female domination – which has nothing to do with male submission – thrust upon her, they react with confusion and sometimes even hostility.

Fucking unfortunate.

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